My Story with Digestion

I have had a lot of struggles with bloating and digestion. Not even exaggerating. Terrible times. There have been times where I would get excessive cramping that would escalate up into my back and chest while being out at a dinner with friends. I would get the sweats, become red all over like I would have the flu, and become miserably tired, while at work. And the wretched burning of my bum hole afterwards that would be the icing on the cake. And this is only to mention of few of the symptoms I would have with my poor digestion.

My bloating was so bad, that every time I ate, I would have a huge stomach (aka a food/poop baby). I wouldn’t want to wear any of my cute, tighter clothes if I was going anywhere where I would eat. I was embarrassed about how my belly will look afterwards, not wanting to have to suck it in just to feel better about myself. Now, I laugh about it knowing that sometimes you just can’t help it, but below is a perfect example of my food belly situation. I was enjoying a nice weekend out with my gal pals. A mixture of too much sugary wine and too much food without going poop looked like this…

Don’t worry, it hasn’t been this bad for years on end, but it definitely ramped up over the past 2 years. Back in grade school and high school, it was only intermittent spells, which at the time seemed normal. However, I remember one fateful day after soccer practice that almost ended in prison time.

It was a nice warm day in September, soccer practice was over, and we were packing up our gear to head home. I was in the locker room chatting with teammates about homework and whatnot, when my stomach had a rumble. I figured I was going to have to go to the bathroom soon, but knew I didn’t want to wait around school and be the only one left here. So I decided to just hold it till I got home….bad decision. 5 minutes into my drive and my stomach was bubbling and aching, but it ended up settling. I was like ‘ok ok we should be good heh heh’…WRONG. Exactly 3 minutes after the bubbling subsided, scream worthy pain came into existence. I was probably 4 minutes from home and I sped like a MF-er…. If I didn’t make it, I was sure to shit myself. No joke folks.

*Side note, there are only a few times I have ever sped to get somewhere for a toilet, but this story, by far, is my favorite.

As I am racing home to meet my maker, I get pulled over for speeding. The cop nonchalantly gets out of his car and pitter patters over to my car at a snails pace and FINALLY gets to my window and asks me what my hurry is. Now at this point in time, my butt hole is at a max clench and I am profusely sweating. I try and calmly say that I reeeeeally have to poop and if he wouldn’t mind letting me go. He smirks at me, obviously disbelieving me, and says that I was going 20 over the limit. No way he was just going to “let me go.” (He also used air quotes with his fingers).

What I said in my head was, pardon my language here, but I FUCKING KNEW I WAS GOING THAT FAST YOU IMBECILE, I AM GOING TO SHIT ALL OVER MYSELF. Instead what I said was that ‘I am going to poop my pants, and all over my car, and it’s going to be a huge mess and you will be the witness if you don’t let me go home right now. I said you can follow me home and I can speak with you when I am finished, but pleeeeeeeeeease let me go home, sir.’ And believe me or not, he actually did follow me home and waited outside, even after speaking to my mom. No ticket, don’t worry, he thought the whole thing was comical *insert eye roll*. Long story short folks, don’t wait to take a shit when you know you have issues.

Anyways, back to the facts. I did all the things that I could think of and suggestions from people that have had similar issues. I cut out certain foods like dairy, bread, sugary foods, and grease, for a month and added them back in. This resulted in a temporary fix for all, but nothing lasting. I went to various other lengths like drinking a ton of water and only eating salads… Which resulted in the absolutely nothing helpful, but green watery poop….gross.

It doesn’t help that I work night shift and my body is jacked up from that alone, but that isn’t something I can cut out or fix just because I have tummy issues. So inevitably, I had a colonoscopy to rule out other diseases, and it turns out that my body just hates me, and I was diagnosed with generalized IBS. Fantastic. Taking the prep and going through the whole kitten caboodle actually seemed to normalize things for me. Maybe it was all mental, or maybe a mixture of both. But I have also found some things that have helped ease the pain and make things easier for me.

My tips & tricks:

Listed below are the things that have helped me “normalize” my digestion and have a semi-regular pooping pattern. What works for me may not work for you, and these are merely suggestions. I am in no way a professional in this field. Seek your doctors opinion, and find out what works best for you.

• Metamucil – I take 2-4 capsules every morning with my multivitamin. The bottle suggests 4 capsules per day, but depending on how I am doing is how I adjust the amount. These have helped me become regular and assisted with decreasing my bloating. You can find these at any local grocery or pharmaceutical store. But I buy mine off Amazon for the bigger bottle.
• Opti-greens and Opti-reds – For these, I usually mix 2 scoops of each into water or juice once a day after I eat breakfast and before I workout. Sometimes I will drink 2 a day if I am feeling extra puffy. Both of these help get your servings in of fruits and veggies, but also significantly help with bloating. You can get this brand from your local supplement store or the 1st Phorm website.
• Water – I’m sure you have heard that water is a big reason for helping with digestion. It has helped me greatly, not only for bloating and digestion, but also for my energy levels. We have an article on our blog that talks about the 7 reasons to drink water if you would like to learn more.
• Whey Protein – I swear to you that drinking protein shakes has helped me digest my food better. These have helped settle my tummy and keep a smooth flow through the digestive tract. I take the PeScience and 1st Phorm brands once to twice a day and take 1-2 scoops of either, depending on my preference that day. Both have very tasty flavors and I highly recommend!!

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