The 12 Toxic Habits You Should Let Go of in 2020 (& How to Fix Them)

Guys, brace yourselves because this is a long one! We all struggle with some of these toxic habits at some point in our lives. Just because you relate to some of them as you’re reading doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you! I’ve been through most of them at some point and gotten through them. A few of them I’m still working on. But I wanted to give you guys advice from my experience so far.

Toxic Habits to Remove From Your Life

While working on my degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, I’ve learned a lot about issues 20-something’s struggle with. These toxic habits are all completely normal to experience. I’m just hoping to shed some light on the fact that most of them aren’t great for your mental health. They can bring you down emotionally and mentally, which affects your health holistically. So I hope this list is able to shed light on a few toxic issues (that we all have been through at some point)!

1. Toxic Relationships & Friendships

This is a big one and one of the first things you will probably see on any list. It’s so important because you really are a combination of the people you surround yourself with. You can say that it’s different for you and you’re your own person (which is true, you’re still an individual). But no one is too good to be affected by the people they’re constantly around.

For example, I can clearly remember times in my life where I’ve felt like a completely different person. This was due to who I was around most of the time and what kind of people they were. The people that have been in my life steadily (my best friends and family) have been there for a reason. They’re all loving, supportive, fun, and lovely human beings who I feel make me a better person. I’ve chosen to keep this tight-knit group of people because I know I can trust them to always be a positive light in my life. 

On the contrary,

I’ve had people in and out of my life through the years that were not such a positive influence. Whether it be negativity, self-centeredness, being judgmental, or dragging others down. Everyone can be this way at times (we’re all only human) but I’m not talking about just occasional negativity here. I’m talking about people who are constantly bringing others down to feel better about themselves. People who are self-centered or narcissistic and don’t care about how their negativity impacts those around them. You don’t want these people in your life and it’s never too late to detox the people you surround yourself with.

I know it’s never easy to just cut people out of your life. Especially if they’ve been there for years. There’s obviously good qualities about these people that are convincing you to keep them around. You just have to look at how them being in your life is truly affecting you. Make a list of positive vs. negative things about this person. It only has to be things that impact you, not their entire personality. If you realize that you have way more negative traits than positive, it’s time to start cutting down on the time you’re spending with this person.

Take the next week to…

Start thinking about what people in your life may be bringing you down more than others. Write out how you feel when you’re around them and after spending time with them. You probably already have some ideas. If you’ve already thought of people, great! Time to start distancing yourself or not spending time with them at all.

After a month of cutting back on time spent around these negative influences, see how you feel. Journal about your experience and emotional state since spending less time with these people. If you feel happier or like a weight’s been lifted off your shoulders, you know you’re doing the right thing. 

You can always go back and rekindle connections with people if you end up realizing you made the wrong choice. If after a month it turns out this person wasn’t really a bad friend to have, simply start spending more time with them again. You guys are smart though and probably have a pretty good idea on whether someone is a positive or negative person to have in your life. I’m just saying, it’s not all or nothing and no choice you make for a month has to be permanent. That’s for you to decide!

2. Holding yourself back / thinking you’re not good enough for ______.

What are your goals and aspirations? Think of one thing that you’ve been dreaming of for years that you just “never got around to doing.” Why is that, that you never went after this goal? Or have you started working towards it multiple times and then given up midway because you didn’t see the results you wanted?

This. Happens. To. All. Of. Us.

Seriously, if I started counting the number of times I wanted something but didn’t go after it fully, I’d run out of fingers. It’s easy for me to come up with new ideas of things I’d love to do and then give up on them after a month because it’s too hard or I’m not seeing results.

So think about it, what have you wanted to do forever? For me, it was blogging. I’ve wanted to start a blog for years, but every time I got around to starting, I’d stop after a few weeks/months. I’d be weighed down by this feeling that I wasn’t a good enough writer or photographer. I’d see other blogs that looked so beautiful, well designed, and full of amazing content. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that these bloggers have been putting in the work for years to get their blogs to that point. All I could do was compare where I was at (after a week of blogging) to where they were at after years.

I would end up quitting because I didn’t think I was good enough at the moment, so I gave up instead of working to improve. I’d feel terrible every time I quit and not want to start again for a long time. I felt like a failure and didn’t understand why I could never go through with it. Even though I knew it was something I wanted, my need for everything to be “perfect” was holding me back. (I’ll talk about this more in #3).

Make a List

Make a list of things that you want to do, but have always given up on. Whether it be fitness goals, financial goals, relationship goals, health goals, or anything else. Write out what it is that’s held you back from completing them in the past. Was it comparison to other people in the field? Aiming for perfection when you just started? Feeling like you’re not strong enough, positive enough, or motivated enough? Whatever it is, write it down.

Now, go through your goals and come up with 3 reasons why you ARE good enough to do them. As far as starting my blog, I realized I am creative and have a million ideas I want to talk about. I may not be the best writer in the world, but I think I’m pretty good. I also love taking pictures and think that my photography skills have come a long way. Also, I know that I’m a hard worker and will continue to improve every week I’m doing this.

Focus on your strengths instead of your perceived weaknesses from now on. Any time you start to feel down on yourself, come back to this list and remind yourself of all the reasons you’re capable of doing anything you put your mind to.

3. Perfectionism

I briefly touched on perfectionism in #2, but I wanted to go more into it. This is a huge problem for me and always has been. In school, I wanted to get all A’s (and still do). In sports, I wanted to be the best player out there. If I wasn’t the best, I’d start to feel really down on myself and want to just give up. If I got a B in a class, I’d feel like a failure.

Perfectionism holds people back from feeling good about any accomplishment. You’ll feel a short-term high when you ace a test, have a good game, etc. But it will fade soon after and you’ll be back to not feeling good enough unless everything’s perfect.

If you’ve struggled with perfectionism in your life, I know you can relate to this. I still struggle with it and probably always will, but I’ve learned ways to cope with it.

When you’re feeling your perfectionist tendencies coming out, take a step back for a second. Remind yourself that absolutely no one is perfect and we’re all allowed to make mistakes. We’re only human and there’s no way to be perfect all the time (or any of the time, honestly). 

Focus on just doing something “pretty well”. You will still most likely end up doing it incredibly well, but don’t make that a necessity. Just worry about completing a task and not making it perfect. Try this for everything you do for a week and see how you feel after. Also, see how the outcomes of whatever you were doing turned out. I’d bet anything you still got everything done, did it well, and felt a whole lot less stressed.

4. Fear of Change

Throughout life, change is inevitable whether you like it or not. It’s human nature to enjoy comfort and want things to stay the same. Some comfort is definitely a good thing! But if everything in life stayed the same forever, it would get pretty dang boring.

Any type of personal growth is going to take work and things changing. It’s often the biggest & scariest seeming changes that end up containing the most growth potential. Anything worth doing will probably be challenging and a little scary at first.

If things are perfect the way they are in your life, then you wouldn’t have to worry about changing anything. But since we’re only human and nothing is perfect, that means we have to go through changes. Whether it be getting older, switching jobs, moving to a new place, or starting a new hobby. Most of these things end up being good for us in the long run.

So if you’re dealing with a change in life right now or preparing to, remember that it’s going to be okay. After the initial transition, things always feel more normal and we adjust quickly. I moved from Illinois to Florida back in November and it only took a few weeks to start feeling normal again. Even if your entire life feels different, it can end up being a really good thing. 

Of course, there will still be things you miss about the “old way”. For me, I miss my friends and family back home that I don’t get to see as much now. But I know they will still always be there and I can reach out and talk to them anytime. So no matter how scary change feels at first, just look at it as an opportunity for growth and self-development.

5. Constantly having too much on your plate & only doing what you “have to”

If you’re always busy like me, this one can be tough to overcome. I’ve always been a busy person and feel happier when I have a lot to do. But there’s a fine line between a good amount of busyness and a stressful amount. And it can take a while to figure out where exactly that line is for you.

Right now, I have a full-time 9-5 job, am working on my Master’s full time, and running a blog. I’m also trying to make time to maintain relationships, exercise, cook & eat healthy, and practice self care. With all these things on my plate, it can be easy to get overwhelmed and completely shut down.

When I get to this point of overwhelm, I give up on everything and just sit and binge watch TV shows for hours on end. I could spend a whole weekend doing nothing but sitting around binge watching. And although I feel less stressed at the end of it, I feel bad because I didn’t accomplish anything. This is a point I hate getting to, but it’s easy to get there when you have too much on your plate.

Instead of allowing myself to commit to too many things and get overwhelmed, it’s important to plan ahead. I wrote a whole post on time management and reducing stress that goes into this in way more detail. But for this post, I will just say this. It’s absolutely necessary to make time in your schedule for things you love. If you’re only focused on working and hitting your goals, you will end up burning out fast.

Plan Ahead

It’s easy for me to get in a mindset of only wanting to work, work, work. I’ve always been a goal-oriented person and that’s something I love about myself. But it can also hurt my mental health when I take it too far. By planning out my weeks and using the weekly planner that I talk about in my time management post, I’m able to stay much more relaxed.

*If you’re looking for a monthly planner, this one is perfect! I’ve been using this brand for the past year to keep up with grad school. I just bought this flower patterned one and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! The interior makes it so easy for goal setting as well, which y’all know I’m a big fan of. 🙂

By planning ahead, you’re able to see where you have time in your schedule for your passions. You can schedule out time in the week to make sure you spend time on them. For me, I like to make sure I have time to cook healthy meals, get a few workouts in, and go on long walks. I also need to plan time to spend with Jeremy and call my friends and family back home. While these are things I would end up finding time to do anyway, it makes it much easier to plan them out ahead of time. It keeps you stress-free and able to focus on your goals, while also prioritizing the things you love.

6. Restrictive Eating. Focusing TOO much on “healthy eating” or a diet

It feels like everywhere we look, there’s a new diet pill, or supplement, or fad diet gaining popularity. While diet culture can come across as what you “should do” to be healthy or lose weight, that’s simply not the case. If you’re consistently under eating and not meeting your calorie needs for the day, you could actually end up gaining weight. The hormonal changes and effect on metabolism outweigh the initial calorie deficit that might allow you to lose weight in the short term.

Instead of focusing on eating less, focus on eating more high quality, nutrient-dense foods. See my post on 5 balanced breakfast recipes for some inspiration! You don’t need to restrict at all, just eat less nutrient-dense foods in moderation. Focus on your hunger & fullness cues and eat until you feel satisfied.

Diet culture and our culture’s obsession with thinness is horrible for anyone’s mindset. Even if you do lose weight, you may never feel like it’s enough. And even if you’ve always been happy with your body, you can still look at the (photoshopped) images in magazines and on social media and feel like you’re not good enough.

Instead of focusing your eating habits on losing weight or getting your “goal body”, focus on feeling satisfied, energized, and healthy. Once you start living the intuitive eating lifestyle, you’ll truly gain food freedom and be able to focus on more important things. It frees up your head space to focus on your relationships, hobbies, travel, work, and everything else that’s more important than the number on the scale.

Finding Balance

Finding balance when it comes to food can improve your mental & emotional health drastically. If you’re focusing on eating fruits, veggies, complex carbohydrates, protein, and healthy fats, you’re going to feel healthy. It doesn’t mean you have to cut out all sweets or never touch a Cheeto again. You can eat everything you enjoy and actually listen to your body, instead of constantly restricting.

And a good rule to live by is to just stay away from the scale. Your weight does not define your health. At the time in my life when I was running every day (3-5 miles daily), I weighed the most I’ve ever weighed. While this surprised me at the time, it makes sense now. I was stressing out my body by obsessively exercising and not giving it the nutrition it needed to make up for it. Which leads me to my next point…

7. Over Exercising / Exercise Addiction

Exercise is great. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I never exercised. It helps to relieve stress, release endorphins, and increase your happiness. *When done right.*

Too much exercise can be just as harmful as not exercising at all. It negatively affects your stress hormones and causes you to be more stressed out instead of relieving stress. Just like I talked about above with eating, you need to listen to your body when it comes to exercise.

If you have done a strenuous workout the past 2 days and your body feels exhausted, don’t work out on the third day. Even if your workout plan says to, it’s more important to listen to your body and give yourself time to recover. When we workout, it causes little tears in our muscles. This is a good thing, if you allow yourself time to recover. During recovery, our muscles repair and build themselves back up stronger than before. But if we don’t give ourselves time off when we need it, we just overstress our muscles and end up getting hurt or sick.

Figure Out Your Motives

It’s also important to figure out why you’re exercising in the first place. Is it to feel good, gain energy, and increase your confidence? Or is it to hit a certain number on the scale or pant size? If it’s the first reason, you’re probably already doing a pretty good job of listening to your body and using exercise for mental health. But, if it’s strictly for the second reason, that’s where problems can start to arise.

When you’re only exercising for superficial reasons, like how it makes your body look, it’s easy to overdo it. You’re always focused on how much you weigh or how your body looks. Just like with eating, it’s easy for this to turn into an obsession and become very unhealthy.

Focus on utilizing exercise for your mental health and energy. If you’ve already had a stressful day, are tired, and don’t want to do a workout, don’t do it! On the other hand, if you’re stressed out from work, energized, and feel like working out would help let off some steam, then absolutely go for it. It’s all about figuring out your motive in the first place. If it’s strictly superficial, it’s probably time to re-evaluate your exercise regimen and come up with one that’s more beneficial for your emotional/mental health as well.

8. People Pleasing

People pleasing is a big issue, especially for many women. We feel that every decision we make, we have to consider everyone else’s feelings. We have to think about how it could impact our family, friends, significant other, kids, etc. This leads not only to indecision, but to us leaving ourselves out of the decision making equation. We’re so focused on everyone else’s feelings, that we forget to think about how our decision is going to affect us.

I’ve struggled with this for big portions of my life and it always leads me to feeling more stressed out than the decision requires. For example, if I’m making a decision on what movie to see, I would be trying to figure out what everyone else would enjoy the most. I would end up choosing a movie that I assumed everyone else would like and then sitting through a movie that I didn’t really enjoy. This is a pretty basic example, but this applies to much bigger decisions as well.

Maybe you’re torn on where to move because you want to live in NY, but your entire family lives in Texas. The more you let everyone else’s feelings on the matter impact the decision, the more you will be confused and keep putting the decision off. You may never end up making a decision because you have too many other opinions weighing on you. When if you would have just listened to your own intuition in the first place and stuck with it, it would have been an easy choice.

Next time you feel like you’re putting everyone else’s feelings above your own in a decision, take a step back. Take a day to yourself to really think it through and process your feelings. If it’s a big decision, take more time. If you still aren’t sure what the best choice is, try journaling on it. Whatever decision you come to after this period of self-reflection will more than likely be the best decision for you.

Listen to Your Intuition & Forget the Haters

You will have people who disagree with your choices regardless of what you choose to do. So stop trying to please everyone else and focus on your own needs for a change. Now, I’m not suggesting everyone should be selfish and not consider anyone else’s opinion ever. Not at all. I’m just saying that if you’re holding yourself back from something you really want to do, based on other people’s feelings, that’s something to reevaluate. And in the end, you’ll feel the best about the decisions that you deeply thought through and did what you know is best for you.

Pro Tip: This was one of my favorite books that helped me kick people-pleasing to the curb. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** by Mark Manson was an incredible read and just what I needed. Mark talks about realizing what’s truly important in life and not giving your energy to anything else. This includes trying to make your decisions based on what everyone else wants! I’ve read this book multiple times and would highly recommend it to anyone struggling with people-pleasing tendencies.

9. Suppressing emotions & over consuming information

Especially due to technology and the amount of content we have at our fingertips, it’s easy to consume, consume, consume. We have infinite amounts of content out there and will probably never get bored scrolling through social media, binge watching shows, and listening to music/podcasts. There’s new content coming out every single day and we will never get through it all, no matter how much we consume.

When we’re only ever focused on taking information in, this can lead to a huge dip in creativity and emotional wellbeing. We have to be able to let things out to keep our creativity flowing. You can do this in many different ways. For example, you can journal, blog, write stories/poetry, make videos, create your own podcast, and more. You can also let things out by simply talking to other people about your feelings.

Talking about your feelings is a big one because otherwise, it’s easy for them to get suppressed and build up inside of you. If you don’t want to talk about something, you can also journal about it, which has a similar effect. Suppressing things for too long will only lead you to feel the emotion even more strongly.

Quit Suppressing Your Emotions

If you are sad about a breakup and try to keep it in and stay strong, you will only feel more sad in the long run. If you simply let your emotions out and either talk about them or journal about them, you won’t cause this suppression. Letting out your feelings seems hard initially, but becomes much easier with practice. And once you start the habit of letting things out, you’ll realize the benefits greatly outweigh the initial fear.

By talking about your emotions, you release them from your body and don’t cause a continuous build up. You will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. Even if you feel like you’ve been talking about something nonstop and are annoying your friends, that’s okay. They will appreciate it when they’re in need of someone to talk to and know you’re there for them!

In conclusion, let your feelings out and your creativity flow. These go hand in hand because they impact each other. Both of these take the ability to be vulnerable and open up. By letting your creativity flow, you’re putting your inner thoughts and feelings out into the world in a form of art. And by talking about your feelings, you’re doing the same thing. Both of these things help increase your happiness, emotional wellbeing, and quality of life.

10. Too Much Screen Time

There has been a huge increase in anxiety and anxiety related disorders recently. This has a lot to do with the time spent on smartphones and other technology. Decades ago, people didn’t spend all their downtime staring at a screen. They read books, did outdoor activities, and spent time with loved ones. While technology is great for a number of reasons, it’s also super important to not let it run your life. Be in control of your technology, don’t let it control you.

I’m reading a book called Digital Minimalism that goes into much more detail about the consequences of too much screen time. This book has completely changed my mindset on how I look at technology. I’ve realized that a lot of the time I spend on my phone isn’t purposeful at all.

There are certain things that I use technology for that are based on my values. For example, I use a computer to blog, which is something I love to do. I also use my phone to keep in touch with friends and family back home, which is an important value as well. I can also listen to music and podcasts that make me happy and/or informed. These aspects of technology are amazing and I don’t have any desire to cut them out of my life. It’s the mindless scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that starts to cause problems.

Try a 30-Day Tech Detox With Me!

As suggested in Digital Minimalism, I’m doing a 30-day detox from technology. This doesn’t include blogging or any other technology that I deem essential for work. I’m also not cutting out texting, messaging, or Snapchat completely. I’m only using it to communicate with friends and family back home though, which is a big change from the amount I was before.

After the 30-day detox, I’m going to reintroduce optional technologies back into my life in ways that benefit me. I will only use technology that adds value to my life and is in line with my personal values. 

If you’re not interested in doing a full 30-day detox, try a 7-day one! Limiting the amount of screen time has huge benefits for anyone. Especially us Millennials (and Gen-Z) who have grown up with constant technology most of our lives. By cutting back, you could see a decrease in anxiety and stress, make more time for important things, and be more present with your loved ones. Just try it for 7 days and let us know in the comments how you felt throughout the week!

11. Negative Self Talk

This one’s similar to #2 (thinking you’re not good enough for ____), but a little less specific. Negative self-talk can be anything you say or think to yourself that makes you feel bad. This can be about your appearance, personality, capabilities, or anything else.

When you realize you’re saying or thinking something negative about yourself, take a step back. Consider this: would you say these things to one of your best friends? If you wouldn’t, it’s definitely not something you should be saying to yourself.

You may think that negative thoughts are not important, but they’re what ends up affecting you continuously on a subconscious level. Whatever you think repeatedly is what you become. So it’s incredibly important to be aware of your thoughts and start changing ones that aren’t serving you.

While changing your thought patterns isn’t always easy or quick, it’s doable and worth it in the end. Simply being aware of the negative thoughts in your head is an amazing start. Anytime you think something that doesn’t make you feel good, try to replace it with a strength of yours. By doing this, it will become a habit to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. This will carry over into many areas of your life and you will start to think positive thoughts more naturally. You’ll even start to speak more positively and feel more confident in everyday life. Which leads me to my next toxic habit…

12. Gossiping

Gossiping is similar to negative self talk, just projected on other people. It’s just as bad if not worse for your mental health than saying negative things about yourself. Although you may think it’s harmless because you’re not talking bad about yourself, it’s causing you to feel more insecure at the same time.

Every time you talk trash about another person, you’ll start to feel worse about the same thing. For example, if you gossip about how someone looks bad in their outfit, you’ll start to be more hyper aware and self conscious about your own outfits. You may not even realize it’s happening, but it almost always does.

Anytime you gossip, it ends up lowering your own self confidence and making you feel worse about yourself. So just cut it out of your life! What good has talking badly about other people ever done for you?

I know it’s hard to completely cut something out if it’s something you’re used to doing. So start small. Next time you find yourself gossiping about someone else, just be aware of how you feel after. This includes how you feel and your own self-confidence in the next 24 hours. I’d be willing to bet you feel a little less good about yourself than you would have otherwise.

In Conclusion

These toxic habits can easily creep into anyone’s otherwise healthy lifestyle. I’ve struggled with most (if not all) of them at some point in my life. It’s not about completely erasing these things from your life, that’s impossible. But self-improvement all starts with being aware of the aspects of your life that are problematic. Once you’re aware of the toxic habits in your life, you can start to work on them.

We’re all in the same boat and I’d bet a lot of people reading this article have struggled with plenty of the same things. It’s important for us to be supportive of each other and know that we’ve all struggled with some of these things. If any of you guys want to talk in more depth about any of these, please reach out! Comment below or feel free to email us anytime. We will always get back to you as soon as we can. 🙂

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Comment below with which one of these toxic habits you’ve struggled the most with if you feel comfortable. Share how you overcame it or plan to overcome it in the future. Or if you came up with any other toxic things you’ve dealt with, comment & let us know. I love hearing from you guys and can hopefully offer some advice when you need it. 🙂

For me, I’ve struggled with a number of these and am definitely still working on overcoming some of them. It’s a never ending process, but one that is so worth it for your mental/emotional wellbeing. I hope these tips can shed some light on some toxic things in your life and help you overcome them!

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